catastrophe

I Can't Remain
Your Girlfriend
Just Because
Your Best Friend
Is in a Coma.

BY Nicole Fabian.

I was planning on doing it before all this, I swear. I'll let you
look at my diary and you can read the entry entitled "Reasons to
Break Up With Nelson." The date is two weeks before this happened.
The thing is, there is other stuff in there I'd rather you not read.
I make fun of you. A lot. And I don't want to add insult to injury
by letting you read such hurtful things. It's just that, after you
came back from London, you referred to a parking lot as "dodgy." You
were there for a week! It made me very unattracted to you, and I
needed to get it out—you know, vent. Sue me for taking the "healthy"
approach!

And now that we're on the subject of honesty, I must admit, I was
never really into this a hundred percent. What? Don't look at me
like you're better than me. I'm putting it all out there and it's
not easy. This is how it went: On our first date, I was unsure, but
decided to give you another shot. On first dates it's hard to tell.
Then, on our second date, you made a bit of a comeback. I liked your
T-shirt—faded black with the word "Inferno" printed unobtrusively in
gold in the corner. It looked like it was really yours from long
ago, not something you bought at Goodwill. Of course, this falsely
advertised that you were naturally hip. Also, you paid for dinner
again. Nice touch. Generally, our conversation was pleasant and I
welcomed the idea of seeing you again. The third date, though. That
was rough. You drank too much, I drank more, and we more or less
established the fact that the only thing we have in common is that
we both like the hit ABC show Lost. (You like the bald guy, though,
and I like Matthew Fox. See? We can't even agree on that.) I brought
you back to my place, lay on top of you, and kissed you hard and
sloppy. Cheryl convinced me to "see where it goes."

Now here we are years later living together and, I have to admit,
I'm just not that into you. I've been giving things a lot of thought
lately. I went to a meditation class last Sunday with Cheryl, and it
came to me that we should spend some time apart. Pran, my guru
(that's the instructor), agrees. He says, "One cannot flourish when
attached to another." I need to flourish! It will be good for both
of us. Especially now, with your oldest friend in a coma, you could
probably use some "me time." No one bothering you, etc. It will
allow you to take a look inside, re-evaluate what's important to
you. I know I sometimes like to be alone when I'm going through
something. And look at me! Am I not equipped to deal with any
problem the world throws at me? You will be, too!

And don't think for a second that this has anything to do with the
fact that Chase and I have been talking again. I'm just being a good
friend. He's a mess from Jackie ending things, and needs someone to
talk to. I'm sorry, but I'm not the kind of person who hangs my
friends out to dry. God.

Please. Don't think I'm a bitch. I know it may seem that way, but
it's only because I'm putting myself first for once. You're not used
to that. I feel suffocated lately, trapped, and I think you do, too.
I'm doing you a favor here. Watch, you'll thank me. It wouldn't be
fair to stay with you just because you have "issues" right now. It
would be a complete sham of a relationship. And I know you don't
want that.


-

i adore this short imagined monologue. it reminds me of douglas coupland's "girlfriend in a coma"
(one of my favourite books. ever.) and the smith's song in the same title. the inferno shirt gave
the whole monologue such a personal twist that if i sat close enough to my screen .. i might smell
the scent of the old shirt. slightly damp socks, cologne, bed sheets, stale cigarettes.